Note to Self

Is this how you envisioned your life? Crawling on your hands and knees, pitying yourself, waiting for some useless asshole to come pick you up and put you back on your feet? There are only two phrases in the entire history of the english language that can sum up the core of who you are-

1.) "How can I be truthful when everything I am's a lie?" ~Jack Off Jill
2.) "I'm ashamed of all my somethings." ~Flyleaf

Why do you say these harsh and cruel things? Because it's true. It's all true. You feel like a joke because you've treated yourself like one, and you've treated yourself like one because you feel like one.... There's only one thing in the world that ties emotions to actions and that's thoughts. Patterns don't disappear overnight. Your struggle is acceptance.... Accepting that you have good qualities and that others possess negative ones. Your love is askewed. Your adoration for others is the polar opposite of your distaste toward yourself. Stop being like your father and figure out how to love who you are, even it means taking some of that love from others. You spread yourself too thin.

Web Cam (Fun?)

So we're all aware of the harsh economy. It's not shocking to hear people say that "desperate times call for desperate measures". I'm confused about something though. Today I started thinking about webcam "modeling" (with which anyone with half a brain knows there's a lot more involved than just standing around looking pretty). My boyfriend is okay with the knowledge that once upon a time I posed nude for that highly immoral site Suicidegirls (for some reason he sees it as artistic). Yet he seems concerned that I would "lower" myself to touching myself on screen. This coming from a man who jokes about making amateur porn with me. Can anyone sort this out for me?

Ugh

Everytime I make plans and get ready something goes wrong. I got all dolled up tonight, prepared to see Terminator Salvation with Sean and even though he's been at work ALL day, he's now going to be there until midnight. I told him to get his own ride tonight and I'm not thrilled at the idea of picking him up tomorrow just to drop him off again. I love him. I want him to succeed at this job, but I'm annoyed because it's been three days and it's interfering with our relationship. This better not become a further problem. I don't handle neglect (however unintentional) well.

Awesome Possum

Today's been chill. I dropped Sean off this morning and on the way, we passed a homeless man. His sign read, "Too ugly to prostitute." I told him his sign was funny and gave him my Special K bar and Sean's money.

Now I'm off to a second interview @ a new Italian restaurant downtown. *Crosses fingers* FUCK I need a job. If anyone needs a website built, hit me up. I don't want to lose all I've learned for lack of experience.

Organized Religion in the Workplace

My boyfriend recently accepted a job where in the initial interview (which went exceptionally well and managed to take him several hours to connect with his new coworkers and employer), they stated they participate in bible study. My friend and I have been talking about this a bit and we're curious about other peoples' views on the subject. It hasn't been confirmed that it's mandatory in order for him to keep his job. I know he's really excited about the opportunity (to do what he actually wants to for work), I'm just really concerned he's going to be uncomfortable. It's likely I'm overreacting, based on my own personal opinions, but I have yet to be presented with the chance to really delve into the conversation with him. I've so many questions because I'd really like to see nothing but good things for him, but in my eyes, should it turn out to be a mandatory thing, I'm questioning the legality of it all. I respect that it's a privately owned company and after listening to the owner speak, I have the utmost respect for his values and desires for verbal communication in the work place. But I don't want my hunny to feel awkward in a place he's making a living because his ideas may conflict with everyone else's. What does everyone think?